Antisocial?

That’s it. I’m definitely an antisocial. But is it really so bad to want to be on your own, absolutely on your own for a while? Is it really so horrible to put the answering machine on because you need to meet a work deadline and you don’t have the time to talk to your ladies of leisure friends who don’t have anything to do in their life apart phoning you (so sad)? After over a month of my parents being here and the kids (and husband) being at home for the (very long) Easter break, I really need a bit of peace and quiet, I need to be ALONE! Is this being antisocial? If so, then I’m. But I’m a working mother - even worse I am a self-emplyed working mother! - and I’ve got deadlines. So if you’re thinking of phoning me today, please don’t. I won’t answer anyway! Sorry.

Loss

Earth to Earth

Ashes to Ashes

Dust to Dust

And so I've lost another dear friend to cancer. Feelings of sadness, loss, anger and even guilt. Guilt because I will miss her although I know that now her suffering is over. Feelings of betrayal and anger because this time I really thought she would manage to win the fight.

And because I've never felt so attached to life as today.

Life is a bitch

The other evening I came home from work in a terrible mood. I had a stressful day. Nothing went the right way. My train was late both ways, I couldn’t find the test centre for my interpreting assignments and I got totally wet running around in circles, the candidates weren’t prepared so they didn’t pass the tests (although not my fault, it was still a bit upsetting). My son lost the house keys and my husbands forgot to pick up my daughter from football training etc etc. When I got home I was ready to explode and then it happened. My husband told me that our neighbour and friend whom we’ve known for 15 years had just discovered he has pancreatic cancer, probably not operable anymore. He’s 51 years old, he’s got a teenage boy and another son who’s just started working. He’s never smoked, took drugs, drank heavily or had an unhealthy lifestyle. He is actually quite sporty and is always been helping everybody. A nice person. His wife left him and the kids 18 months ago to go and live with someone else. Nobody knows exactly where she is now. She’s never got in touch with them again. On the surface she was the perfect wife and mother but deeper she was a different person. We spent the last 18 months trying to help him picking up the pieces of his life and now this. I know I do not need to tell you this, but I say it anyway: Life is a bitch. Awful and unjust.